Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Did you ever accidentally have sex with your brother/sister in India?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s still here.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Why do atheists love to preach against Abrahamic religions and mock God? Even if they do not fear the eternal fire of hell, pious Muslims will certainly not leave them alone and will take brutal revenge until they surrender and repent of their sins.

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Why has no country adopted the SA80/L85 rifle?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

And the sadness?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was awaken between 2-3am by a voice that said “Hey”. Literally right next to my ear. Sounded like a males voice, but it wasn’t stern or deep. What could this mean?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

Can I use ChatGPT to get chapter ideas? I’ll be writing it with my own words but I just get writer’s block when it comes to what to write?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

What movies and TV shows portray realistic beauty standards?

I was tired of trying and failing.

Be who you already are.

I had run out of hope.

I see lots of pictures of women who have huge clits are they real or what?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Did you use the internet during the DOS era? Can you describe your experience? How were images displayed on the black screen when everything was just text-based commands?

The sadness was still there.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

I was tired of fighting.

Can you show your wet and dripping pussy?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.